#okay but on god this looks like it's from a bl comic without context

[feralshadowdemon]

hello i’ve been only awake for a few minutes. BUT has anyone else noticed that Dazai is the least hetero man you’ll see not just with Chuuya, no, no man is safe from Dazai.

BECAUSE FOR GOD’S SAKE DAZAI

THAT ISN’T VERY STRAIGHT OF YOU

the anime version isn’t very straight either it’s just more Homosexual in the manga

[reddie-4-more]

One shot idea; the losers are teenagers and eddie is having a bad day at school that leads to an intense meltdown and Richie does his best to help and gives him cuddles n stuff afterwards . i like hurt/comfort fluff lol

Hi, sorry that it took me so long, I couldn’t find the energy to write it between my chapters, but here it is!

So, for context, this little snippet is based on my fanfic Listen to me, more precisely on the first installment Broken, which is basically about autistic Eddie Kaspbrak dealing with his mother’s abuse and befriending the Losers, his first real friends, especially Richie.

Here are the things you’ll need to know to understand everything:

- Eddie is part of his school’s chess club with Stanley. They’re not going to every session, they’re using it as a cover so that Eddie can hang out with his friends after school.

- Eddie doesn’t know that he’s autistic and his mother refuses to acknowledge it. She’s still abusing him like in canon, but is forcing him to repress his autistic traits and making him feel bad whenever he can’t help it.

- Richie and Eddie are in the same class, but not the rest of the Losers. 

I think that’s it c:. Good reading !

He tried his best not to make a fuss over it, not wanting to anger his mom or made her think that his bad mood might be due to some health problem that would lead her to lock him home for the rest of the week.

------------

There were some days that made Eddie wonder if it was even worth it to get up from his bed. Today was one of these days. He should have known it immediately, as soon as he started to eat his breakfast and spilled his milk glass over his favorite t-shirt, meaning that he had to change it. 

But Eddie was still pissed off when his mother drove him to school and it didn’t get better from here, on the contrary. First, he had to endure his mother shouting to the whole school how much she loved her “Eddie bear”, simply because he forgot to kiss her good bye when he left the car.

Cheeks red from embarrassment, he had then walked to the building, followed by his peers’ mockeries. They teased him mercilessly, calling him all sorts of nicknames, but particularly the ones his mother never hesitated to use whenever they were in public, even though he was fifteen. Of course, when Eddie retorted with a furious “Fuck!”, it had to be in one of his teachers’ earshot.

The man didn’t care at all that Eddie was merely trying to defend himself, to be left alone. He only heard him swear out loud and that couldn’t be accepted in such a respectable school as Derry High School, right? 

It wasn’t like there were bullies roaming around, always ready to shove their classmates into their locker, punch them for fun or steal their stuff. No, obviously, the teenager who yelled “Fuck!” was the biggest problem this school ever encountered…

And that’s how Eddie ended up with one hour of detention, as soon as school would be over. It was the first time he ever had been punished that way. He did get scolded at some point or earned himself more homework than the others, but a detention…

His mom was going to be furious. And maybe she’ll took some of his comic books from him or… or even worse, she could forbid him to go to the Chess Club and he wouldn’t have an excuse anymore to hang out with his friends. 

He’d have to spend the rest of his day at home and Richie and the others would forget all about him and they’d stop hanging with him and…

Eddie took a deep breath, trying to relax. It was only the beginning of the day. He couldn’t start to break down already. He needed to be strong. At least until recess. Then, he’ll be able to run to the bathroom and cry his heart out, hidden from everyone else. Stay strong, Eddie. Stay strong.

He smiled clumsily to his friends once he joined them, listening to their discussion more than participating. He didn’t have much energy left, he needed to keep it for the rest of the day. For class.  If he had to go into detention, he could at least do his best to work well and make up for it later. His mom would be so happy if he managed to get the best grade. But that would mean that he needed to do better than Richie and that… that was pretty much impossible.

He grimaced at the thought and Richie, who was walking next to him while they were joining their classroom, asked him thoughtfully:

“Hey, you’re okay, Eds?”

Eddie shrugged. He wasn’t good at lying, but he didn’t really want to tell the truth either. If Richie knew that he was moody because he spilled milk on himself and got a detention, he would certainly mock him and call him a crybaby. Eddie knew that Richie never treat him that way, but he couldn’t stop himself from thinking that he might. 

Even though they were now friends, Eddie was still somehow convinced that it could be taken away from him in an instant and that Richie and the rest of the Losers might secretly think that he was pathetic and annoying. They just didn’t dare to tell him because they were too nice for that.

Eddie’s day kept on being the worst. As soon as he walked into their classroom, he noticed the flashing neon ceiling light above his head and groaned. It wasn’t just about the flicker, although it was annoying in itself and made him feel dizzy. 

No, there was also this fucking sound. This buzz that he seemed to be the only one to care about, since none of his classmates seemed to be bothered by it… Apart from Richie, whose attention kept drifting towards the flashing light, easily distracted by the simplest things. But it didn’t seem to hurt him, just like it hurt Eddie.

Okay… Okay, he could hold on. He wasn’t going to be able to focus on his lesson, but if he kept his head down and focused on his breathing, he would get through it. 

Not ideal, since he really wanted to work and listen to the teacher so that he could earn a good grade later, but Eddie didn’t have much of a choice. He gritted his teeth, jumping a little when Richie poked him gently with his pen, trying to get his attention:

“Dude, you’re alright? Your face is all red. You look like one of the M&M guys.”

“I’m fine.”

“Not the yellow one, though. Or the orange. Or the bl...”

“I fucking got it, Richie!”

Eddie just shouted, unable to control the volume of his voice. His classmates all looked at him and Eddie let out a frustrated noise, burying his head in his crossed arms. It was a bad day. A very bad day. He just wanted to go home. Why was it still so early in the morning? He would even accept to watch his mom’s stupid talk shows for 24 hours straight, if it might get him out of here…

But of course, it couldn’t just stop there. No, everything that already happened, plus what he had to handle right now, it wasn’t enough. God had made Eddie Kaspbrak his little plaything and enjoyed his misery, Eddie was sure of that. Because as soon as their teacher entered the room, he announced, his voice laced with sadism, that they’ll have to take a pop quiz.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. While the rest of the class was sighing and expressing their displeasure in many ways, Eddie scratched the palm of his hand furiously, his heart beating too fast, his thoughts starting to swirl out of control. He wasn’t ready. He hadn’t studied at all, he barely read some of his previous lessons and… and…

The light was still flickering. Eddie blinked a few times, quickly, trying to focus on the questions that he was supposed to answer to. His grip on his pen felt all wrong, as if he didn’t quite remember how to use his hand. 

Right next to him, he could see Richie writing frantically on his paper, putting it slightly to the side so that Eddie could copy if he needed, but he couldn’t even concentrate enough to be able to read Richie’s answers. Everything seemed blurry, out of focus, and Eddie kept rubbing his eyes, hoping it could help in some way. It wasn’t helping. At all.

Eddie managed to write his name on the copy, but his usually neat handwriting was all scrambled and messy, as if he barely learned how to use a pen. Eddie plunged his fingernails in his palm at the sight, trying to contain the tears that wanted to spill out and roll down his cheeks. He wasn’t a crybaby. It was just a test. A simple pop quiz. He could handle it.

For the rest of the hour, Eddie tried desperately to jog his memory, but to no avail. His brain felt sluggish, his mind focusing despite himself on the flickering neon light and the faint buzzing sound he kept hearing. 

He had absolutely no idea if the answers he was crossing down were even close to right or if it was one of those tests where you could pick multiple answers or… or fuck, he didn’t know what he was doing or reading at all.

A high-pitched, loud sound, coming from a metal ruler that one of his classmates inadvertently pushed from his desk, suddenly echoed in the classroom and Eddie yelped, dropping his pen on the floor, clutching his hands over his ears in a reflex. His reaction made some of his classmates snicker at him, while Richie raised his head from his copy, looking at him with concern.

His teacher asked Eddie to take back his pen, but Eddie couldn’t bring himself to do so. It was dirty, the floor was disgusting, it was surely covered with germs, but it was the pen that Eddie was always using whenever he was taking a test and without it, he…

Richie bent down and grabbed the pen, pulling a tissue from his pocket and cleaning it thoroughly, giving it back to Eddie with a gentle smile. Eddie smiled back, his expression closer to a grimace than anything else. 

The pen wasn’t totally clean, there were probably germs that the tissue couldn’t wipe off, but Eddie appreciated the effort. He did his best to finish his test, trying to ignore the way some of his classmates had started to mock him after what he did.

Eddie was exhausted when the teacher told them that it was time for them to turn back their copies. As much as he tried to, he still had a few questions he didn’t answer to and it frustrated him to no end. When he gave back his paper to his teacher, Eddie felt tears starting to roll down his cheeks, unable to stop himself from sniffling. He was so tired. He wanted to go home. He couldn’t…

When it was time for them to go to recess, Eddie used his last strength to run away, trying to avoid Richie who followed him, calling out his name. He was so pathetic. It was only a test, just a single detention, milk spilled over his favorite t-shirt… It wasn’t… There was nothing to…

And then, Eddie lost control. Belch was the one who managed to make him go into a full breakdown, burping into his ear while he was finally reaching out the bathroom. The gross, loud noise made him gag audibly, his shaky legs no longer able to support his weight. He fell on his knees on the bathroom floor, his hands touching the ground as well. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting.

Belch was already long gone when Eddie started to slap his forehead, again and again, wheezing awfully. He knew that he was only spreading the germs even more while doing so, but he couldn’t stop himself. It hurt and he needed it to hurt because there was so much pain on the inside and he couldn’t find a way to let it out and he couldn’t even breathe properly and…

Eddie suddenly found himself wrapped in a warm, tight embrace. He attempted to struggle, wheezing so much that he couldn’t get any oxygen in his lungs, when a hand managed to grab his inhaler from his fanny pack and pressed it against his lips. Eddie wrapped them around the object in a reflex and the button was pressed a few times, releasing the relief Eddie needed so much.

He never really understood how his medicine, especially his inhaler, worked, but whenever he was using it, he managed to relax, to get his pressure down, finding the comfort he needed. Eddie went limp in Richie’s arms, who supported his body against him, shushing him gently.

“Let’s find a better place to rest for a bit, okay?”

Eddie nodded distractedly, trying to get some strength back in his legs. Supported by Richie, he managed to walk to the school library, the librarian letting them on without any questions asked. She was always so nice and understanding, Eddie suspected that she might know that he and his friends were bullied and that it was her way to apologize for not being able to do much more for them…

Richie sat him on a couch, sitting next to him. He rummaged through Eddie’s fanny pack, pulling out a few hand wipes, cleaning Eddie’s fingers with it. When it was done, Eddie started to hug himself in a vain attempt to find some comfort in the gesture. But Richie was the one who knew how to tighten his arms around him in the proper way, the best way, giving him the deep pressure Eddie craved so much. Eddie let out a soft sigh, Richie caressing his hair in a gentle way that he had learned to appreciate quite a lot.

“Deep breaths, Eddie. It’s okay. Take your time. If you can talk, maybe you can tell me what upset you so much.”

Richie cheekily grinned, supplying with an amused voice:

“Tell Daddy everything.”

Eddie audibly groaned, causing Richie to chuckle. But he managed to smile and started to talk, having trouble to pull the words out of his throat:

“I… I got detention… And… uh… I f… I failed the test… I’m stu...”

Richie shushed him immediately, putting his index finger on his lips:

“You’re not stupid, Eddie Spaghetti. You’re not.”

Eddie bit his bottom lip. He was. He clearly was. None of his classmates was disturbed by the flickering lights like he was and they weren’t screaming because of some high-pitched noise and they didn’t want to cry over spilled milk. He… He…

Eddie started to sob openly and Richie hugged him tighter, whispering soft words to his ears, providing him the reassurance Eddie so desperately needed. But it was now time to go back to class. Richie helped him up, guiding him out of the library, winking at the librarian who rolled her eyes at the sight, but offered them a gentle smile.

For the rest of the day, Richie had been nothing but highly supportive, taking notes dutifully for Eddie, since he couldn’t focus enough to do so himself, checking on him regularly, trying to distract him from what was bothering him. At some point, he even threw his bag across the classroom as loudly and evidently as possible, grinning proudly when the teacher gave him a detention.

Eddie couldn’t believe it. He tried to protest, not wanting Richie to get into trouble on his behalf, but Richie shrugged, still smiling openly:

“Anything for my Eddie Spaghetti.”

And Eddie could see that Richie truly didn’t care, as long as he could be there with him. As long as they could stay together...

--------------------------------

And that’s the end of it! I hope you liked it c:. If you have other stuff you’d like me to write, don’t hesitate to tell me! It might take some time, but I’ll get to it at some point :D.

Eddie’s meltdown is highly inspired by some of my own meltdowns. I’m easily triggered by flickering lights, they’re the worst.

Take care! See you soon!

[recentanimenews]

Off the Shelf: Still kicking

MICHELLE: Melinda, after we finish this one we will have done as many columns in 2019 as we did for the entirety of 2015-2018! Go us!

MELINDA: *laughs weakly* Yes… “go us.” Um. Wow. When you put it that way, we sound terribly unimpressive.

MICHELLE: Well, the alternative would’ve been to let it disappear, so I think we deserve a bit of credit for resuscitating it! Anyhow, I expect that you’ve been reading some manga!

MELINDA: I suppose you’re right! WE ARE BASICALLY GODS.

…

Okay, maybe not. But yes, I have indeed been reading some manga, or at least rereading, which is to say that I took some time this week to look at the new omnibus edition of CLAMP’s four-volume manga, Wish, originally published in Kadokawa Shoten’s Mystery DX, adapted into English in the early 2000s by TOKYOPOP, and resurrected just a few weeks ago by Dark Horse Comics, with their usual omnibus treatment—larger trim size, very nice-looking print, and a somewhat refreshed translation.

For those who missed Wish the first time around, it’s the story of an angel, Kohaku, who has been sent to Earth to find Hisui, one of the four “Master Angels” (why they don’t just say “Archangel” is a mystery to me, but maybe there’s something I don’t get), who disappeared from Heaven after a visit to the bridge between Heaven and Hell. During their mission, Kohaku—who appears human-sized during the day but reverts to tiny cherub form at night—is rescued from an attacking crow by Shuichiro, a local human doctor. Complications ensue when it turns out that Hisui actually defected to Earth in order to be with Kokuyo, the actual son of Satan, with whom they have fallen in love. Meanwhile, Kohaku becomes confused by their own growing feelings for Shuichiro.

There’s a whole lot packed into this short series, including more angels and demons, time travel, reincarnation, messenger rabbits, cats (some of whom are actually demons), and a tree fairy, but generally speaking it’s all just incredibly CLAMP from start to finish, and if you’re into that, you know what I mean. Someone even sacrifices an eye. This thing honestly couldn’t get any CLAMPier. It’s not my favorite of their series—I could live very happily never reading another manga about angels for the rest of my life—but as most CLAMP fans will know, the big deal about this edition is the translation, which is certainly what caught my attention.

In CLAMP’s original vision, there is no gender in Heaven or Hell, but in early 2000s publishing, it was unthinkable to convey that in English, especially when it came to the angels, who, in Japanese, referred to themselves with genderless pronouns. This led to a decision to choose genders for each of the angels, based on heteronormative standards regarding appearance and romantic entanglement, outraging some fans but satisfying style guides. Fast forward to 2019, when publishing has finally recalled that singular “they” is a thing, and our angels are genderless at last.

I’ve already mentioned that Wish is far from my favorite of CLAMP’s work, so I wasn’t especially eager to reread it, but I was surprised to note just how much more enjoyment I got out of it this time around. As someone who identifies as nonbinary, I realize this may be of greater importance to me than most, but whatever CLAMP’s intention really was when they filled their comic with genderless angels, it feels like representation, and for something originally published in the 1990s, that is kind of a big deal. Freeing the angels from gender expectations breathed new life into them for me, made the story richer, and opened up its universe to the notion that love and attraction might be based on something other than a person’s gender expression or whatever reproductive organs they happen to possess. These are not novel ideas for many of us, but with all the hand-wringing over this series back in 2002, it feels revolutionary. Mostly, though, what I’m struck with as I read this edition, is how easy it would have been to publish it exactly as it is now, then. The sentences are not awkward. There is nothing that feels labored or unnatural in this translation. How has it actually taken publishing this long to figure that out?

MICHELLE: It’s been a long time since I read Wish, and it was also not my favorite, but I definitely feel a greater spark of interest when I imagine a translation that represents the angels as genderless! It makes me want to shake TOKYOPOP and demand, “Would that have been so hard?!?!” (They had other similar issues back in the day, too, and not just with genderless protagonists. I distinctly remember a character in GetBackers being assigned feminine pronouns when, in fact, he is very much a dude and if anyone had actually bothered to learn anything about the series they were translating, they would’ve known that. SIGH.) I can totally see how it would make the whole story richer as a result.

MELINDA: Yeah, nobody could be more surprised than I am to be describing Wish as “rich” in anything other than CLAMP’s beautiful, swirly artwork, but I genuinely enjoyed rereading it, and I’d even recommend it, at least to fans of shoujo manga, and particularly to other enbies. It’s an unusual treasure of representation for the time period. And messenger bunnies! Who doesn’t love messenger bunnies?

There is one jarring panel in the first volume, where one of the demons seems to misgender Kohaku as “she,” but I don’t know if that was an editorial oversight (that’s how it’s translated in TOKYOPOP’s version, too) or if it was actually written that way in Japanese. But in over 800 pages, that one panel wasn’t significant enough to mar my enjoyment overall.

So what did you read this week, Michelle?

MICHELLE: Maybe that demon was intentionally being a jerk.

I checked out the first volume of Hitorijime My Hero by Memeco Arii, one of the first boys’ love manga published in print by Kodansha Comics. (They did release a handful of others digitally in 2018.)

As a kid, Masahiro Setagawa hated tokusatsu shows because he knew that, no matter how miserable his life was, no hero would come to save him. But when he fell in with a group of delinquents in middle school and became their gofer, a hero did come in the form of Kousuke Ohshiba, the so-called “bear killer,” who defeated the thugs and ended up with Setagawa as his new underling. Setagawa befriended Ohshiba’s younger brother, Kensuke, and as the manga begins, some time has passed. He’s dealing with the fact that Kensuke is now in a relationship with another boy named Asaya Hasekura and that Kousuke is a teacher at their high school.

Almost immediately, Kousuke is confronting Setagawa about the feelings he believes Setagawa has for him, saying, “Even if you feel that way I won’t be able to return those feelings.” Setagawa is too dumbstruck to deny it, and then Kousuke (an adult) keeps sending him (a teenager) mixed signals, like suddenly smooching him or calling him “the guy I like.” It turns out that Kousuke is basically trying to make Setagawa realize he is gay. This eventually works. And then they do it. Eyeroll.

Because this series is a spinoff from an earlier series, we’re just kind of thrown into a confusing timeline and a mix of characters without a lot of context. I’ve seen the first couple of episodes of the anime, and they handle all of this material far more clearly. The manga does a little to show why Setagawa likes Kousuke—he’s strong, smart, and capable—but none at all to show why Kousuke likes Setagawa, aside from one page where he talks about how his devotion helped him retain his humanity or something. Really, it’s all pretty disappointing so far. I know it’s a popular series, so I’m hoping it gets better.

MELINDA: I can’t help but roll my eyes along with you. This basically sounds like a collection of my least favorite BL tropes, though maybe (hopefully??) at least without the younger, smaller guy wincing in pain and horror every time they have sex? Please tell me it at least doesn’t have that. Though maybe it doesn’t matter. I know the student/teacher thing is a common trope too, but I really hate it, especially when it’s the main romantic plot line. I know it’s a popular series, but I honestly can’t imagine reading it by choice.

MICHELLE: To its credit, it absolutely does not have that. It’s fully a fade-to-black scenario with some evidence afterwards that Setagawa enjoyed himself tremendously. As for the student-teacher thing, this is a slightly different variation in which the two people concerned knew each other for years before Setagawa came to the school where Kousuke teaches, so the power imbalance between them is not so much that Kousuke is in an official position of authority but that Setagawa has kind of idolized him.

MELINDA: Either way, I’m guessing it’s not for me. I’ll wait to hear what you think of future volumes before taking the risk.

MICHELLE: Okay. I can handle at least one more. Speaking of Kodansha’s advances into the realm of print BL, would you care to do the summary honors for our mutual read this time?

MELINDA: Sure!

This week, we both read the first volume of the much-anticipated series 10 Dance, by Inouesatoh, also from Kodansha Comics, as Michelle mentioned above.

The story involves two ballroom dancers with similar names—Shinya Sugiki, who is an international champion in Standard Ballroom, and Shinya Suzuki, who is the Japanese national champion in Latin Dance. Their relationship with each other is both admiring and rivalrous, and when Sugiki asks Suzuki and his partner to train with with him (and his partner) for the 10-Dance Competition (combining the 5 Standard and 5 Latin dances), Suzuki finds it impossible to refuse.

Over the course of the first volume, the four dancers train together—the men in particular working to be able to lead in each other’s specialty—and that’s literally all that happens in the story, but as we watch the two of them butt heads (and other things) throughout the training, it’s honestly just riveting. This story is all about personality and relationships, and certainly we’re expecting some steamy romance between the two male leads down the line, but even in this preliminary volume, where nothing overtly romantic happens, there’s so much interpersonal entanglement to enjoy.

The two men couldn’t be more different. Suzuki, who grew up in Cuba, has been dancing with his partner since childhood, while Sugiki changes partners constantly, never quite settling in with anyone. Suzuki’s strength is showing passion on the floor, while Sugiki’s is the elegance of his form. And though things are slowly heating up a bit, I honestly believe I would be happy just watching them dance together as I learn new details about Standard and Latin ballroom rules, pretty much forever. It’s that entertaining.

MICHELLE: I enjoyed it tremendously! From the start, the cover art reminded me of est em, and the content within does, too. With est em, I was always struck by the way her characters would talk while engaged in intimate acts, and although Sugiki and Suzuki aren’t having sex, they’re still engaged in physical activity—indeed, they’ve been dancing until dawn together for months—that puts them in close proximity, gettin’ sweaty, maintaining eye contact, et cetera. And they’re talking throughout, gradually becoming closer and revealing details about their personal lives in the process. I love the slow development of their relationship and how this, in turn, makes small moments so pivotal. The one that stands out is when Sugiki has gone to London to defend a championship title. When he succeeds, it’s Suzuki that he calls, and when this reserved man actually smiles when being told “Hurry up and come home,” it has such impact! Of course, they go right back to butting heads after that.

MELINDA: I agree on est em, though I’d go even further and say it feels like an est em/Fumi Yoshinaga hybrid, with the additional warmth of their observations about each other’s habits and idiosyncrasies and the scene where they dance together at a restaurant, because trying to make points about dance while sitting at the table just isn’t working. It’s got all of est em’s sexiness and suave, along with Yoshinaga’s warm goofiness, and the underlying elegance of both.

MICHELLE: “Warm goofiness” is a great way to describe the scene where Sugiki, frustrated by Suzuki’s attempts to lead the waltz, gets Suzuki to adopt the woman’s role and proceeds to very thoroughly make him feel like a princess. “I feel like I could pop out a dozen babies for you right now!” And you’re absolutely right about elegance, too; these dance scenes are drawn so beautifully.

If you’ll forgive somewhat of a non-sequitur, although I don’t know the kanji used for Sugiki and Suzuki’s given names (and, indeed, it might not even be the same), one definition for “shinya” has a meaning that’s very applicable to the story. Check it out.

MELINDA: I believe I read somewhere that the kanji for each of their names is slightly different from the other, but I’m tickled by that meaning all the same. It certainly is appropriate!

Bottom line, I can’t wait to read more of this series, and I’m thrilled that Kodansha brought it over for us!

MICHELLE: I enthusiastically concur!

Thanks for joining us for another installment of Off the Shelf! The winner of last column’s giveaway is Joseph Miller! Joseph, send over an email or drop a message to Melinda on Twitter to collect!

By: Melinda Beasi